Back to School

For many students, the first week of school is both exciting and horrifying. There are the moments with friends, the new lockers, the new books, and the new teachers. All of which are elements that contribute to the overall butterflies. It is the honeymoon period when the "New Year" resolutions are in full swing. Promises like, "This year I am going to write down all my homework, study for tests, be more organized and get all A's" are floating around in the atmosphere everywhere. Unfortunately, as week two begins, even students with the best of intentions lose a bit of ground on their quest for success. They forget their new color-coded system of organization in their planners, leave important assignments on the kitchen table, get their first quizzes back with less than stellar results. In truth, they are, for all their resolutions, the same students they were at the end of last year. This is when parents really matter. Lecturing doesn't help. Lecturing doesn't help. Lecturing doesn't help. See how helpful that was? Now you are never going to give another repetitive lecture to your child are you? Seriously, make a plan. Show your child that you are on their team. You are their mortgage broker, willing to do whatever it takes to help them get their ultimate house. Ask them to describe what they want for themselves in terms of school. Write a list and narrow the expectations down to what is reasonable for them. You can't have a home in Atherton if you are working at a minimum wage job. Next, help them describe what it is going to take to reach their goals. This seems obvious, but it is the step where most parents lose their children. Having your child identify that they need to study for test and quizzes is an important step towards reaching their goal, but it is too ambiguous. What does it mean to study for their exams? Have them ask each teacher for the steps to get prepared for an exam in their class. Does it mean looking over the notes, re-reading the chapter, doing extra problems, reviewing the homework or none of those strategies? Each teacher knows how they craft their exams and can be the best source for the inside track for your child. After discovering what it is going to take to reach these goals, help them make a timeline. One helpful tool is a GIANT desk calendar. Have them write out their goals and what it is going to take each day to reach their goals. Help them be aware of other factors. For example, you might have family plans on Thursday so their plan of spending two hours studying for Friday's exam might be a bit unrealistic. Let them determine how much time they are devoting to their goal and when during the day they choose to allocate that time. Set up check in dates. These are times that they are going to evaluate how their plan has been working, what went well, what needs work etc. They need to see for themselves how their hard work has paid off or how they might need to put in effort differently or even how they might have dropped the ball a bit. If they feel like they have been doing everything they can, ask them if they would like you to think about some ideas.
THIS IS IMPORTANT... DO NOT START IN WITH A PREDETERMINED LIST OF WHAT THEY SHOULD BE DOING!!!!!! They will only feel like you were waiting for them to fail. Tell them you need to give it a bit of thought and come to them later with a list of your ideas. Allow them to tell you what they might use and what seems like it just wouldn't work for them. Like any mortgage broker knows, telling a client that they simply need to save every penny to get the best house they can afford may be the truth, but it is not always advice that is going to be taken to heart. The best thing you can do to support your child is allow them the ownership of their schoolwork while letting them know you are in their corner and not simply there with outstretched arms waiting for them to fail. Finally, reward them with words of praise for their efforts. Show them that you have noticed their successes and their hard work. Doing something special together is fun for you both. It allows them to put a tangible price on their success (Because I worked so hard in preparing for my math test, Dad decided to take me to the beach for the afternoon) It's not about paying them for their success; it is about showing them that you do recognize their hard work and appreciate it enough to give your time to show them just how important their success is to you. Though adults look at the time spent helping students identify their areas of concern, plan and complete their work as time spent demonstrating how important their success is to you, they don't. Instead of telling them with words, show them with actions. After all, lecturing doesn't work right?